Three super-skills for your life

Working in projects requires certain behaviors and tricks that can be used to avoid difficulties and achieve breakthroughs. What works in a project can also be used in the private sphere. After many years of observing people in the wild, I have developed a few rules that make a difference compared to the past. Here are my three best and most important tools:

- 1 - No Why

Scientists live from this - from the question of “why”. It is about facts and circumstances that have a cause. In practice, this does not work because the causes are often invisible and have arisen in secret.

That is why a “why” question is confrontational. When I am confronted with a problem and ask: “Why did you do that?” - then the respondent feels cornered. They don't know the answer. And the question also relates to the past.

The question arises: “Why” is that the case? If I'm not a scientist, then I don't have to answer this question. It is enough if I solve the problem.

I can save myself the confrontation by asking other questions: Who, what, where, when, where from, where to and others. But to do this, I have to think for a moment. The simple and quick why-question must be directed from the past into the future. The result is a question that points towards the future and towards the solution.

I have revealed this trick to many people around me - and have received disbelief and scorn in return. Especially from scientists. We must not forget that science looks backwards - but our lives look to the future.

- 2 - No Subjunctive

In grammar, the subjunctive is referred to as the “possible form”. This means that there is or was a possibility. This means that different paths or decisions were possible - but are no longer possible.

The question “Couldn't you have done it differently?” is at least meaningless - if not illogical. It refers to a point in the past where we took a “wrong turn”. And we can't change the past.

From the questioner's point of view, we have made a wrong decision in the past. Or were we negligent, inattentive or lazy? Nobody wants to be told that - if it's not true.

The way out is to look into the future and make the associated statements. The subjunctive looks to the past and is confrontational. If we avoid this, the mood improves and the solution comes closer.

- 3 - No But

No “yes - but” either! There is a saying: “Every but is a slap in the face!”. Let's think about that: Isn't the “but” also an indication of a wrong attitude, assessment or assumption? Who says “but” to someone else? The person who thinks they have a different, better view.

In any case, the way out is to express your own opinion in a different way than with a “but”. “I disagree” is still a simple alternative. It is better to repackage your own differing views instead of slapping the other person in the face.

Conclusion

It is not easy to stick to these three simple rules. But the results are resounding. Try it out!

And if you are successful - share these 3 rules with those around you. You will see: The world around you will change for the better.